Before I start, my feminist mother is a viewpoint with little to do with gender and everything to do with perspective. This mother is hands off done with the patriarchy and all the dysfunction that comes with that and so moving to a feminist perspective is reimagining a world where everyone just gets on and the world just works
Pipedream I hear you say – sounds like the Barbie movie soundtrack is about to erupt. NO WAY. Having a world where you can access your human right to be heard, respected, safe, educated and to live and love in a way that brings you peace and joy is not wishful thinking.
I believe it is the next step in our evolution. AND YOU are the way forward.
Yes, I stole the line from a great song – but its point is perfect. Your feminist mother is telling you that you are both a miracle and a collection of particles – both supernatural and small –both amazing and simple -both unique and ordinary, both full of potential and insignificant.
As a miracle you are an individual with all the uniqueness that makes up YOU.
You don’t need external validation or perfection or experience or proof or anything to support this – YOU ARE A MIRACLE. YOU are enough just as you are.
Believing and accepting that you are the person you are with all the little quirks and weird bits that make you tick is actually the foundation for a great life.
And you are made up of particles.
The same particles, a complex, cosmic chemical reaction, having come from and going back to the earth. And so this means equality and connection can exist between us all leaving no place for arrogance, superiority or entitlement to gain ground. In fact, knowing how insignificant you are gives you the greatest freedom to be who you are.
Consider it the greatest mystery, a bit like ‘the first shall be last and the last shall be first’, meaning you become the best and most significant self when you aren’t thinking too much about how to be someone. YOU ARE SOMEONE already.
Feminist mum says think about this and any time you are challenged by life sending messages of shame or inadequacy, PUSH BACK you ARE a miracle and you ARE enough. You have already proved it.
Cheers to you, driving change on the freeway of love
I hope you are traveling well and I hope you were able to spend some time getting to know yourself. Your feminist mother is now asking you to consider broadening your view as you get to know yourself in relation to others.
Its been said that we can only know who we are in relation with others and this is because I believe we are made for relationships – NOT bad ones only good ones.
So the sticky point here is ‘What is a good relationship ?’
First things first. Bad relationships are ones where you cannot be yourself. These relationships are where people won’t let you be yourself and/or they let you know that you disappoint them, you’re not right or clever or pretty or good or bad or anything enough. Those relationships must be identified early so you can reduce the chance for hurt and pain and having the will to live drained from your soul.
Good relationships are really, really different. These relationships are with people where you want to be yourself and if you are, you are accepted and loved for that. There is never any bar for how clever you are, how pretty, right, good or bad you are – you are allowed to be you because that is who you bring.
Now sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether a relationship is good or bad and so it can take some time to think about what it is. If people disagree with you, or don’t share your views, or don’t understand everything you say – the relationship may still be good. Its good if you are left feeling intact emotionally and psychologically and good to be you even though there are differences. Its kinda the point about diversity – diversity is acknowledging the difference and not wanting you to change. Celebrating that difference bring richness and a greater quality of life to us all.
And if it’s a bad relationship, you are left feeling like you have to lie or change or ‘tone down’ or adapt or pretend in order to be accepted.
So you will know if you are in a good relationship with others because you are free to be you – however much you fit in with them or are different. And its important that you then offer others that same freedom – to live without judgement and instead be loved and cared for who they actually are.
And not saying that its always easy to be the person who can offer the best relationships BUT its possible to get there and if you don’t think you’re quite the non-judgemental, open, accepting person you’d like to be – start now. Why not ??
Cheers to you, driving change on the freeway of love
I’m hoping you are waking up every day, feeling more comfortable in the skin you are in, accepting more and more the miracle that you are.
But, believing and accepting are not two easy words. Belief and acceptance are a result of what we know and feel to be true – not what we think. So, step 1 is to get to know you, so you can know what you believe and accept about you.
WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU?
Feminist mum is wondering how often you have actually thought about who you are – no, not what you are or who someone else says you are. But, who you are.
If you don’t know who you are, then you have no chance of being your authentic self. Instead you will most likely be a person you sometimes don’t actually recognise, or be what someone else wants you to be or just be someone who morphs into the people around you and the real you becomes invisible.
I would love to encourage you to get into some deep thinking. Mystical – no, but deep, yes. Try it next time you are thinking too much about stuff that gets you down or makes you anxious. Start by making an agreement with yourself to stop for a couple of minutes and dedicate your thinking to finding out more about you.
Recognise if you go straight to the negative bits or jump to conclusions or use toxic positivity like “I’m awesome” to deflect your thinking. I suggest putting on some calm music, sitting somewhere quiet and with your ‘I’m a miracle’ attitude, start to wonder, start to be curious.
The idea of curiosity is the new ‘black’ – Curiosity is about being filled with wonder, openness, being absolutely sure that you probably don’t know. It changes your thinking so you can stop making assumptions or judgements or believing all the myths that life has bombarded you with.
Who am I ?
Sounds simple but many people have no idea, they simply believe all the opinions that others have about them or believe they are a culmination of all their mistakes. This is not the truth – this is crap. Know who you are and there is a great chance you will live a life that you want, not one carved out by others and driven by insecurity.
This is a super pivotal point that your Feminist Mum wants you to embrace. Its like that old saying, if you don’t know where you are going, every road will take you there. If you don’t know who you are, its likely you will turn into whatever other people want – and this rarely ends well.
So, questions you might ask in discovering yourself:
What are my values ? Try and think of at least 3 really important things that matter to you
Did I make time for me sometime during this week? If not, why not?
What makes me laugh ?
What makes me cry?
I feel like myself when ……… and I feel least like myself when ……….
What makes me feel good and optimistic?
What makes me feel sad?
Who makes me feel safe? and Who doesn’t?
Do you feel like you have a purpose in life? If so, what is it?
What do I like to do outside of work or school?
And, what are all your favourites – food, music, places, jokes, people, clothes, animals, birthday plans, holiday destinations
And, your least favourite or all the above
How would you choose to spend ‘the best day’ if money didn’t matter
Its likely that it will take time to find answers to some questions, but the sooner you start, the sooner you will get to know you. You might find that some of your answers will change over time – and that’s ok, we all grow and that’s human. Have fun introducing yourself to the real YOU.
Cheers to you, driving change on the freeway of love
Talking to my feminist mother 